If I were Queen

While I was technically born and raised south of the Mason Dixon Line, I have never considered myself a southerner. For one thing, Maryland did not secede from the Union (some would argue that it was not allowed to, not that it didn't want to). In addition, I somehow managed to pick up all sorts of anti-Southern biases during my youth. This is somewhat amazing, considering that my own mother, much of her kin, and many of her good friends, all considered themselves either 'country people' or 'hillbillies'. But, not me. I always thought myself 'better' than all that.

Then, somewhere in my adulthood, I realized that I really liked fried green tomatoes, fried chicken, and grits (albeit, not with a fried egg in them). And, that not all country music was depressing tripe. And, then, the real homecoming happened. I started reading Jill Conner Browne's Sweet Potato Queens' books.:

• The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love
• God Save the Sweet Potato Queens
• The Sweet Potato Queens' Big-Ass Cookbook (and Financial Planner)
• The Sweet Potato Queens' Field Guide to Men : Every Man I Love Is Either Married, Gay, or Dead

These are inarguably the funniest books I have ever read. Jill Conner Browne makes being Southern sound so much fun, for women with the right wherewithal. While I could never see myself wearing a Sweet Potato Queens' Saint Patrick's Day Parade costume ( green sequined mini dress, high heeled boots, big red wig, and tiara), I enjoy and concur with many of the author's opinions. Besides which, I would love to spend more time participating in one of their favorite activities: "Lolling about and doing Jack Shit". I don't know that I'd have the balls to do some of the other things that Jill and the Tammys have done, but I'm thrilled to know there are women out there doing those things.

If you haven't read the books, (first off, stop reading this right now and go get one of them) the Tammys are the other official Sweet Potato Queens. In the first couple of books, she wanted to protect the identities of her friends when relating some of their stories. She asked them what name she should call each of them. They all agreed that they wanted to be called 'Tammy'. So, many of the stories begin with, "One of the Queens, I think it was Tammy, ..."

The books are also strategically peppered with narrative recipes for concoctions that will make your mouth water and your hips widen, just by reading the recipe! The recipe titles are a hoot by themselves, such as "Chocolate Stuff", "Death Chicken", "Armadillo Dip", "Gorilla Casserole", "Bitch Meatballs with Sexy Red Sauce", and "Motor Home Marvel". And, who wouldn't love to try the much mentioned Sweet Potato Queens' beverage of choice, "Fat Mamma's Knock You Naked Margaritas".

Since publication of the first book, hundreds of local chapters of Sweet Potato Queens have sprung up all over the country. Frequently, these far flung Queens, dub their chapters as being the Queens of some other fruit, vegetable, or other consumeable. Sometimes they call themselves something pithy and amusing like Bodacious Babes, or outrageous like The Secret Society of Butt Dimple Queens [ yes, this is a real chapter ]. I'm not quite sure what I'd be Queen of, if I were to become the Boss Queen of a chapter. Perhaps those who know me could make suggestions?

If I've piqued your interest, even just a tad, you should check out the author's web site at http://www.sweetpotatoqueens.com/ If I haven't done my job in this regard, slap me upside the head with a wet squirrel. If I have, you should be all over these books "like a duck on a june bug".