Thoughts on book clubs/discussion groups

I recently read a blog post about 'book clubs'.  My first thought when I saw the title of the post was that the author was going to talk about things like the "Book of the Month Club" and such.  However, she meant those groups of people who read the same book and then get together periodically to discuss the book they all read.   The post somewhat maligned the selections of the book clubs she was familiar with.  She didn't directly attack all such groups, but she did seem to feel that she wouldn't be comfortable with joining such a group since it was doubtful that they would be reading selections she would like.  I was compelled to comment, based on my own experiences moderating such a group that meets monthly at my church (though you don't have to attend the church to attend our meetings).

I noted that I moderate a book group and offered my observation that each group is different.  For one, we don't call ourselves a 'club' because we don't want people to feel excluded or that they have to 'join the club' to stop into one of our meetings. 

Secondly, we read all over the map.  We try to make sure that we read some non-fiction, something 'classic', and one speculative fiction (re: science fiction-ish) work every year.  We're very picky with our choices in general.  The selection has to be about a topic worth discussing. Our choices are usually more 'literature' than 'fiction'. Many have usually been on the bestseller listings at some point, so they're not to stuffy or difficult to get through.  Plus, we have a page limitation; we try to keep our choices to under 400 pages so that most people can get through the book within the month between meetings.

We also limit our meetings to a single hour.  The group is primarily for people who want to talk about books, not to socialize.  If attendees want to socialize with each other, they are free to make arrangements to do so outside of our (ahem) 'sacred' hour devoted to books.  We typically discuss the current selection for 30-45 minutes and then spend the last 15 minutes discussing potential future reading choices.  Sometimes the selection wasn't worth discussing for more than 10 or 15 minutes.  Sometimes we find ourselves still discussing it when the hour is up.

I have been with this group for over a decade.  When I moved 25 minutes away from our church, my love of that group was one of the things that helped me decide to stay with that church instead of switching to the church (of the same denomination) that is less than two miles from my house.

Meeting with others to talk about a book is not for everyone.  The author of the blog article that inspired this post equated such discussions with traveling back in time to her high school English class, analytically dissecting boring books that one was forced to read.

I admit to a certain amount of rebellious reticence when reading something that someone else has deemed that I 'have to' or 'really must' read the book.  However, everyone in our book group has a say in what we read.  If you don't want to read something that someone suggests you have the right to say 'no', but you have to offer an alternative that the group might read instead.  We did this after realizing that some people would say 'no' to virtually anything others offered but rarely chimed in with alternatives.  It's tough finding something that most of us might want to read, so we put the rule in place.  (Several of us equate it with a management philosophy that we've encountered in our professional lives:  "Don't come to me with problems.  Come to me with solutions.")

If you've ever thought about joining a book group/club, but you had reservations about how the group might operate or what the group would read.  There is a solution.  Start your own group!  Come up with a few sentences about what the group would be like and the kinds of things that they would read.  Print up a few notices and tack up copies in local bookstores (especially used book stores) and local libraries.  If your town has a local adult education program, you might be able to promote your group through them.  If you belong to a church, they may be willing to let you use a room in their building to meet and would probably love to promote your group in their own newsletters.  If you live in an area with few readers, there are tons of places online to 'discuss' books with others.

Happy reading!

Sharing at Church

I am not as active in my church as I used to be.  Part of the reason is that we moved further away, and the other reason is that the increasing fatigue I have been struggling with the last few years has made me less inclined to get up and go somewhere unless I absolutely have to.

Today, September twenty-third, would have marked my twenty-third wedding anniversary had I not divorced my husband nearly two years ago.  I had planned on staying close to home today, in part to examine my thoughts and feelings about the date.  A few weeks ago, I agreed to attend a meeting after church today.  I am really interested in the discussion, plus I knew it would probably be better if I didn't stick to my initial plan.  Also, it would give me an opportunity to experience a service with our new interim minister.

I had decided on the way to church that I would get up during the "joys and concerns" portion of the service to mention my recent Lyme diagnosis, along with the fact that I had embarked on an aggressive treatment plan.  As I sat through the beginning part of the service, I realized that I wanted to mention the anniversary as well.  After all, it was part of the 'concern' occupying my mind.

When the time came and the microphone was in my hands, I easily shared the story of my declining health and the probable tie to the Lyme that I was recently diagnosed with.  There were immediate murmurs of sympathy and support.  Then, with a growing catch in my voice, I mentioned the anniversary.  Many in the congregation knew my ex-husband as a pleasant soft-spoken man.  Many had also been informed of his post-divorce diagnosis with ALS and his institutionalization, since he can no longer care for himself.  Part of the reason for the institutionalization had to do with his declining mental state.  In my acknowledgement of our anniversary, I mentioned the illness and how he was no longer the man that most of him had known.  The reaction to that was still supportive, but there was also an air of discomfort.

After the service, many people came up to me to talk to me about the Lyme diagnosis.  But some also came up to me to offer me comfort on a day they could tell was difficult for me. 

What we see of people in public places is not always who they really are.  Just because you see someone for an hour or two every week doesn't mean that you KNOW them.  To really know someone takes an investment of time.  To really know someone you need to experience them in a number of different places and situations.  And finally, I think you need to see them in their home when they are relaxed at the end of a long and congenial evening (on top of the other experiences).  Only then might you begin to see who they really are.

Only a few people at church have some true idea of what went on towards the end of my marriage.  A few others think that they do, because of what my ex-husband said to them during that time.  While I do not want to diminish the warm memories any of his friends at church may have of him, I do hope that they come to realize that there is always more to people than what they let you see in a limited venue for a few hours a week.

Where does the time go?

Sundays are pretty busy for our family. Last year, Grendel started attending Sunday evening youth group at our church. Our church is about 25 minutes to the north of our house. Regular services end at 11:00. Grendel has mid-day tennis lessons 25 minutes to the south of our house. His youth meeting is at 18:00. Since two 50-minute round trips in one day is tiring enough, I almost never go to morning services any more.

Today, I decided to go to morning service since I hadn't been in several months, and I have off from work the next two days.

While waiting for the service to begin, my friend Y sat next to me. I knew I hadn't seen Y in a while, but I did not realize how long "a while" had been until I asked about her baby daughter, G. The last time I had seen G, she was only a few months old. Y told me that G is now three years old. My jaw literally dropped.

I know I only went to church a few times last year, but I attend a good deal of the social activities (since I co-chair the committee). I could have sworn that I just saw that little girl a year or so ago.

Is this a sign of age when your perspective of time gets totally whacked?

The Way of the Warrior

We're having a lovely weekend. The weather has been particularly nice. In addition, Grendel took a trip this weekend with his friends from our church, so we had the house to ourselves.

Speaking of church, Hubby participated in today's service at church: "The Way of the Warrior". Each spring, the committee on ministry arranges a thematic service run completely by members of the congregation. This year, the theme was the martial arts. And, since Hubby is one of the more noted martial artists in the congregation, he was invited to participate.

He only had about fifteen minutes to speak. While public speaking is not something he enjoys, he loves to talk about Japanese martial arts. So, it was difficult for him to come up with an appropriate talk in the time allotted. Overall, he did a fine job. He also got to show off some of his precious swords after the service was over. While I was forbidden to take pictures of him during the service, I did get a shot of him studying his note cards before and then showing off his swords after the service.



Hubby is the entire building committee. (No that is not a typo.) As you can see from the above picture of our church, it is a lovely old stone building. He fell in love with the building long before he got comfortable with the idea of attending church (much less actually joining the congregation). I was quite proud of his willingness to participate in the service today. Then again, it was his chance to share a bit of his true religion with our very open-minded Unitarian Universalist friends.