Why parents drink

The following is something my sister-in-law forwarded to me. She felt I might appreciate it after some recent melodrama with Grendel. One of his big arguments with me is that there were worse things he could be doing besides spending five or more hours every day playing video games. Enjoy!


A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad..'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom, and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole
winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live
nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home.

Parents Just Don't Understand ...

And, he's off

Grendel leaves today, from school, for a five day trip to Maryland. He and his FIRST team are going to the Chesapeake Regional competition. He's been looking forward to this trip all year. I think the prospect of five days away from home with his friends was a major motivating factor in joining the FIRST team.

On Wednesday, they're going to the National Aquarium in Baltimore. He's highly amused by the fact that there is a tropical rain forest on top of the aquarium. He doesn't see the connection.

On Thursday, they'll do a lot of set up and practice matches at the Naval Academy arena. Then, on Friday and Saturday they'll compete. They'll spend all day Sunday on the road coming home.

They're supposed to spend the bus ride(s) and Wednesday evening doing homework. They're supposed to get some actual sleep in the hotel. (Grendel says he's going to try to sleep since he's actually a key part of their competition team.)

I'm sure he'll have a great time. I'm very happy for him. We'll have a nice break from each other too. (I really hope he gets his school work done... *sigh*)

A parent who doesn't understand

My son, Grendel, has fabulous grades. One B+ and the rest A's of one sort or another. However, if I dig into the guts of his grades, he regularly gets zeros on one assignment per class in a 3-4 week period. Upon further inquiry, it turns out that he doesn't get zeros on the work that he's done, he's simply failed to turn the assignments in. He can't seem to find them. He vaguely recalls doing them, or at least receiving them, but can't recall what happened to the assignments.

How can he be getting A's in all these classes while regularly missing entire assignments? (Hello, teachers???)

I know how he's losing track of them. Grendel has ADD. In the last couple of months he's missed taking his medication about a third of the time. We recently figured this out, so we're back to counting pills and severely monitoring his medication. We all let it get away from us because he was doing so well in school overall and was very busy with his FIRST Robotics team.

However, we've started putting his daily meds in one of those seven compartment M-T-W-Th-F-Sa-Su pill boxes. He needs this so he can take it on his FIRST trip to Maryland next week. He needs to stay on his meds to keep his focus for his team's competition. He knows this and is motivated to take his meds on the trip.

Powerschool, the computer system that the school uses to track student grades, was down for a couple of weeks. It just came back on line a couple of days ago. Grendel wanted to spend Friday night at a friends house. I said that I thought that it was ok, but that I needed to check Power School to give him my final answer.

Bah! He's taking six classes. In the last week, he's gotten a zero on an assignment in each of three classes. So, I called him into my office and showed him the grades. I told him 'no'. He shrugged and said 'ok'. He did not seem surprised that he was missing work in three classes.

I reminded him of the deal we made with him about the Maryland trip. The trip is costing us $250. Since he's going to be out of school for 3.5 days, he needs to make an extra effort not to miss any assignments. The deal is he is not allowed to have any zeros from 3/11 until 4/1 (one week before thru two weeks after the trip) or he has to pay us back for the cost of the trip. After I reminded him of this he stared at the ceiling thoughtfully for a moment and said, "ok" and then walked away.

I'm guessing he's figuring out how long it will take him to pay us back, at this point. *sigh*

Oh, and the biggest thing I don't grok at this point. The only class that he hasn't missed a single assignment or gotten a grade below a 95 on: English... The class he says he dislikes the most and has the most trouble with.

To quote DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince, "Parents just don't understand."

Kids will surprise you every time

For the last few years, Grendel has been kind of 'anti-school'. He used to be a great student, and then the hormones and teenage grouchiness kicked in. Then he was diagnosed with ADD. After we started the medication, his school work and attitude dramatically improved. (I've blogged about this a few times in the last six months or so.)

This year, Grendel decided to participate on his school's FIRST competitive robotics team. The team was pretty huge this year (he says around 40 people). Being on the team has meant going back to school from 6-9 pm most nights for the last two months, plus giving up Saturdays (9-6), and the occasional Sunday (in between his other commitments).

With all this going on, we were kind of stunned when Grendel managed to pull straight A's for the first semester. This included the flabbergasting achievement of a 99 on his English final (including an essay that the teacher is now using as an example of how to write a good essay). I teased Grendel about being possessed by an alien the day of the exam, and asked if he could arrange to channel that alien again for his English final in June. (English is his least favorite subject and he despises writing ... while his mother loves to write.)

Then, the cherry on the sundae: Grendel has been chosen to be on his FIRST team's drive team for their upcoming competitions. This is a huge deal. It's his first year, and with a lot of kids to pick from he got one of the most coveted positions on the team. Wow!

Over the last few years, every time Grendel has talked about college he's been interested in business and finance. This harkens back to a comment he made as a preschooler: "Mommy, I love money."

This week, he needs to put in his schedule request for his junior year. He was going to take Marketing next year as one of his electives. Because of his enthusiasm for the work he's been doing with FIRST, he has decided to make Marketing a second or third alternate choice. His primary elective is now Intro to Computer Programming. He's also opting to not have a study hall so he can clear out some other requirements before senior year (wow ... um ... planning ahead?). He's signing up for Mechanical Drawing (because of FIRST) and Racket Sports (to complete his final phys ed requirement).

He's also signing up for Honors Chemistry. We had mixed feelings about this. We would have rathered that he just sign up for college prep Chem, especially since he's opting out of study hall. However, his Biology teacher thinks he's more than up for the challenge. Several of his friends from FIRST will also be in the Honors class. In addition, it turns out that the college prep class is being taught by his science teacher from freshman year, whom he loathes. So, Honors Chemistry it is!

I am proud and perplexed by the choices being made here of late. So, here goes a cautious ... YIPPEEE!!!

P.S. - I'm also thrilled with his exuberant involvement in FIRST due to the scholarship opportunities available to program participants. If he keeps this up, he may actually be able to afford to go to college.

Why are teenagers compelled to lie?

My son and I have been getting along pretty well recently. I was feeling pretty glib about the situation. Bad idea. The Fates notice that kind of thing.

This afternoon, Grendel called me to tell me that he was home from school. I asked about homework. Then I asked him to do a couple of things (really minor things) that would have taken him less than five minutes. He did one: he got the mail. He didn't do the other: rinse out the pots in the sink. The third thing I asked him to do was to call the Red Cross to arrange for his final test for his life saving certification.

When I got home, I noted the pots in the sink. I mentioned it to him. I then asked him if he'd had dinner. He said 'yes'. So, I asked him what he had. He said an apple, something else, and a little bit of pasta.

Grendel had a meeting at school this evening. He needed to be there by 6pm. At 5:25 I yelled for him to come downstairs. He came downstairs and looked confused. I reminded him that he had a meeting at school. I told him that if he didn't want to go, to let me know so I could get comfortable for the evening. He immediately started putting on his shoes.

I had been harboring a suspicion of late that Grendel has not being putting in his contact lens. He asked to switch to a contact because he didn't like wearing glasses. This was over a year ago. However, nearly half the time we've checked he hasn't had his contact in his eye. So, tonight I decided to do a spot check starting with "Where's your contact case". Grendel pats his pockets and then goes over to his backpack and immediately riffles through every pocket. Finally, he comes back with his back-up contact case and starts putting fluid in it in preparation for tonight's removal of the contact from his eye.

My suspicion increases. "Let me see your eye" He holds his face close and looks up so I can look in his eye to see the contact in his eye. No contact. He starts poking around in his eye and acts shocked and annoyed that the contact is not in his eye. I start out the door, but don't say anything else just yet.

In the car, I asked him if he called the Red Cross. He said 'yes'. I asked how the call went. He said he had to leave another message telling them that he needed to arrange the final test.

A few minutes later, I realized that there had been no pot for cooking pasta when I'd cleaned the kitchen before we left. I asked him how he had cooked his pasta, pointing out that I hadn't seen a pot in the kitchen when I cleaned it (the mess he was supposed to have cleaned). He said he had used the microwave. (uh huh) I asked him 'How long did you have to cook the pasta in the microwave to get it done?' 'I don't remember.' Then I asked him 'What bowl did you use to cook it?' He got irritated and asked me why it mattered. I said that it really didn't matter to me if he ate dinner or not, that it was his stomach that would be hungry during his three hour meeting if he hadn't eaten enough.

I then proceeded to lecture him about the contact and how some states won't let people drive without glasses if they are as blind as he is in his right eye without glasses. And, if they get caught driving without the proscribed glasses that they can lose their driver's license. I also told him that the Service academies will accept candidates with correctable vision, but that if he didn't wear his contact on a regular basis that his right eye wouldn't be able to muster the strenght to pass a vision test when push came to shove.

We did not exchange another word. I dropped him off in silence.

When I came home, I checked our land line and his cell phone records. He had not called the Red Cross like he said that he did. So, he didn't clean the kitchen and then he lied to me three times in the course of an hour (dinner, contact, Red Cross call).

None of these were Earth-shattering issues. Had he said that he 'forgot' on the call, I would have been irritated but not nearly as pissed as I am right now. On the dinner thing, I really don't care if he wants to walk around hungry; that's his problem. As for the contact thing, if he doesn't get it, I can't do a damned thing about that.

I really despise being lied to over things that it's easy for me to figure out that I've been lied to about. It makes me feel like the person lying to me has no respect for me, that they think I'm stupid.

I told my husband that he will be the one picking up my son after his meeting this evening. I have no desire to lay eyes on him at this point. It may seem like a trivial thing, but lying is a pet peeve of mine. I don't know why he feels so compelled to do it.

Music Project: 50s and 60s

Here are the songs that made the cut for our music project for the 1950s and the 1960s CDs:

1950's
Rolling Stone, Muddy Waters
Rag Mop, The Ames Brothers
Kansas City, Wilber Harrison
La Bamba, Richie Valens

Heartbreak Hotel, Elvis Presley
Get a Job, Silhouettes
Yakety Yak, The Coasters
Whole Lot of SHakin' Going On, Jerry Lee Lewis
Rock Around the Clock, Bill Haley
Roll Over Beethoven, Chuck Berry
Tutti-Frutti, Little Richard
Why Do Fools Fall In Love, Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers
The Wanderer, Dion and the Belmonts
Splish Splash, Bobby Darin
Walkin' After Midnight, Patsy Cline
Lollipop, The Chordettes
Chantilly Lace, Big Bopper
Peggy Sue, Buddy Holly

1960's

The Twist by Chubby Checker (R&B 1960)
Cathy's Clown by the Everly Brothers (Pop 1960)
I Can't Get Next To You by the Temptations (R&B 1969)
Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In by the 5th Dimension (Pop 1969)

I Want to Hold Your Hand, the Beatles
Leader of the Pack, The Shangri-Las
I'm Into Something Good, Herman's Hermits
Big Girls Don't Cry, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons
Surfin' USA, Beach Boys
19th Nervous Breakdown, Rolling Stones
My Generation, The Who
Respect, Aretha Franklin
Hello, I Love You by the Doors
The Star Spangled Banner by Jimi Hendrix
Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin
White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane
Come Together, the Beatles
Dance to the Music, Sly & The Family Stone
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly
The Dock of the Bay, Otis Redding
To Sir, With Love by Lulu
Mrs Robinson by Simon & Garfunkel


I do not claim to be comprehensive. I do not have an actual degree in Music History or Music Theory. However, I hope that I have hit the stylistic highlights/milestones of each decade. (Note: The second Beatles song really should have been Helter Skelter, but we couldn't get a copy of it!)

Latest music project

My son is thinking of running a meeting of his youth group in the next few weeks. His theme is pretty broad: Music. Grendel appreciates my musical knowledge, so we're having fun working on this together. We've talked a lot about it, and we think we've narrowed it down to a history of popular music in the last 50 years or so. We've had to narrow our focus quite a bit to get something we think that he can fit into a two hour meeting.

Yesterday, we were talking about our need to narrow our focus even more and I said that I could easily put together a syllabus for a full semester college course on the History of Popular Music in the last 60 Years. He smiled and said, in all sincerity, "I know you could." It felt good to hear him say that. Really good.

In my early twenties, a friend commented on my diverse taste in music saying that such breadth meant that I really had NO taste. Bah! Fortunately, I let his commentary roll right off my back. I love music, lots of different kinds of music. I can easily listen to classical, swing, jazz, honky tonk, blue grass, folk, celtic, R&B, classic soul, reggae, rockabily, rock, surf, punk, soft rock, AAA, metal, hip hop, techno, country, and rap. Admittedly, I'm VERY selective in what I like in those genres, being particularly selective when it comes to modern (post 1980) country and rap. Even so, I like listening to music for it's influences, tempo, lyrics, and beat.

Maybe I missed my calling. Maybe I should have majored in Music Theory or Music History. Sadly, a PhD in either might have garnered me a poverty-inspiring teaching position. If income were not an issue, I REALLY think teaching others about the diversity, influences, impacts, and sheer joy of music would be a blast.

Back to our project. Here is our current plan. We hope to compile a CD for each decade from the 1950's through the beginning of the millenium. The first four songs would be the top rock and R&B songs from the beginning of the decade and the end of it. The rest of the CD would include some milestone songs exemplifying the styles of the decade.

We also want to do a CD of influences, covers, and parodies. This would include things like an original blues song from the 40s and the Elvis cover of it in the 50s. (Also, Alien Ant Farm's version of "Smooth Criminal", along with the original) As well as an original song and a Weird Al or Twisted Tunes cover of it (Think Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" verses "Constipated"). As the saying goes, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." Or, our point is that a cover (or parody) shows the staying power of a song.

For example, the 1950's would include blue-eyed soul, surf, cruisin', romantic harmonies, greaser rock and sock-hop hits (including both swing and honkytonk inspired early rock). I used to be a big oldies nut, when 'oldies' meant 50's and early 60's. So, this one will be especially fun.

The most difficult aspect of this project is that we only have a week or so to pull it together, and we're limiting ourselves to one CD a decade, all of which can't possibly be played in the two hours alotted.

Little victories in parenting

Since my son returned from spending the summer with his grandparents, things have been generally better than they were before he left. Here are some of our little victories:

1. Grendel takes a shower every morning and actually uses soap and shampoo on his body without being asked to.


2. He asked if he could attend the FIRST Robotics Team meeting after school today (something we've wanted him to do for a while, but gave up on). Apparently, it is now 'cool' to participate, and he has a few friends who are involved with the program.


3. He was looking at the YMCA Life Saving course information this morning during breakfast. I asked him about it this evening. I pointed out that the class is 10 hours every Saturday for the next three Saturdays. He thought about it briefly, and whined about the time, but then said that he wanted to go tomorrow morning to see if he could get into the class.

I'm sure that there will be more bumps in the road. But, I like that there are these tiny glimmers of progress.

Grendel on drugs

On Friday, we took Grendel to the doctor to get his final evaluation and potential treatment plan for ADD. The evaluation showed that Grendel definitely has some ADD traits. The doctor agreed with us that it was worth trying some form of medication to see if we could even out his school performance since his finals are coming up and his grades have been all over the place this year.

The drugs that the doctor prescribed are a mild amphetamine. Grendel took his first does on Saturday morning. Grendel hates taking pills. So much so, that there is usually lots screaming and crying involved. Grendel is so motivated to improve the quality of his life that he solemnly took the pill without much ceremony. Unfortunately (we'll get into this later), he took the pill at 9am.

Overall, here is our summary impression of Grendel on drugs: Why the heck did we wait so long to do this???

Grendel was pleasant, communicative, able and eager to focus on his studying today. Several times on Saturday, he offered to do things before he was asked (as opposed to being told three times to do the same thing, before doing a half-assed job when he finally did it). He played basketball this afternoon as a break from studying. He said that he felt like his game was better, that he was actually paying attention to what he was doing. He also said that he didn't mind studying and that the things he read actually seemed to stick in his head. He's still Grendel. He's just a lot less annoying to be around. Let's see if this lasts. However, I'm already impressed.

The one downside is that it IS an amphetamine, so he really could care less about eating. And, he cannot afford to lose any weight. So, we encouraged him to just eat on a schedule whether he really felt like it or not. Also, since he got up late this morning, he didn't take the pill until around 9am, which may mean that he may not be able to get to sleep at his regular time tonight. I guess it was good that we had this weekend to figure out what the effects were going to be.

Grendel normally goes to bed around 9pm. Last night around 8:30 he left the house to take out the trash, and then he went to play basketball for a while (in hopes of wearing himself out a bit for bed). It helped but he was still wide awake. Around 10:00 he asked what he should do about getting to sleep. We offered him several unpalatable options: warm milk, alcohol or Tylenol PM (? uh ... a pill ... No, thanks). He opted to wait it out.

Around 12:30 last night, as he was finally starting to fall asleep, he realized that he was incredibly hungry. He stumbled out of his room, and went the wrong direction into my office. He tripped over some computer cords (not an impossible feat, just a little strange ... but it was dark). He attempted to plug things back in, and then went downstairs. He ate three bowls of cereal, a pack of Pop Tars, and a package of ramen noodles. Then, he finally went to sleep.

This morning, our Internet was down, so he shared his overnight exploits with me. We sat on the floor of my room and diddled with the power and network cables on a couple of the devices in my room. Eventually, we got the telephone (Vonage) and Internet working again. He learned a bit about networking, and I am more inspired to redo the cabling in my office.

This morning, Grendel took his pill around 6am. We figured that the pill has a fifteen hour cycle. Fortunately, he gets up for school around 5. So, if he takes it right after breakfast, he should be ready to sleep around 9pm.

Grendel thinks the medication's benefits are worth the minor inconveniences (no appetite, taking it really early so he can get to sleep at a normal hour). I am really proud of his attitude about the whole thing and hopeful of the changes we saw in him yesterday.

We didn't want to be one of those families who medicate their kids. However, the medication seems to help him, and Grendel still seems to be himself in all the important ways. With the medication, he really is present in the moment and able to remember what he's doing and what's important to do.

After finals are over, I hope to have tangible benefits to report here.

Three shower Grendel

My very wise friend, ChangeJunkie, gave me some good advice a while back. When it comes to teenagers and hygiene, let peer pressure do the work for you.

Well, we gave up on making Grendel put actual shampoo on his hair. And, we've been somewhat lenient on the entire soap-while-showering thing. Until tonight. It's been in the nineties the last couple of days. So, needless to say, without the use of soap: Grendel stinks!

Grendel does condescend into taking two 'showers' a day. However, these activities typically involve him standing naked under a stream of warm water for five minutes (or more, if he's too lazy to move on).

Tonight, the running of water took less than three minutes. So, I insisted that he revisit the activity in such a way that his pits (which I sampled) didn't stink. When he came out smelling about the same (after the second shower), I told him that he had a choice:

1. Shower WITH SOAP


2. Bubble bath


3. Removal of his mattress from his room (sleep on the platform or the floor)

Choice #3 comes from the fact that we bought him a (somewhat) pricey mattress last year. He is rather tall. So, we agreed to get him a comfy mattress in the full-extra long size. This size is an utter pain, since sheets are hard to come by and never discounted. So, I refuse to let him stink up the mattress with his cloud of stench. I informed him that if he was comfortable going to school smelling like a swamp, that was absolutely fine by me. However, I would not be allowing him in my car for any reason beyond the absolute necessary transport (like doctor and dentist appointments, and guitar lessons) unless he lost the green cloud that surrounds him. Nor would I allow him to ruin his mattress with his putrid stench.

He agreed to a third attempt at showering. He came out with his hair smelling like shampoo and his body reeking a bit less (still some B.O., but to a smaller degree). So, he got to keep his mattress, for now.

I am a VERY MEAN MOM. Truly, I have given up on caring what he looks like or smells like. However, I won't inconvenience my nose for the sake of his rebellion. And, someday, he might want to sleep on a mattress that doesn't reek of the homeless.

Note: I know that there are worse problems that one could have with one's teenager. However, I had an epiphany this evening. The Fates assess what each parent's bar is for "acceptable teenage behavior" and they make sure that each teenager comes in JUST under that particular bar. It is a spiritually growth opportunity for both the parent(s) and child, regardless of the level of the bar.

I pointed out to Goblin that we should be grateful that we are not poor-white-trash, with a much lower bar for our progeny. Otherwise, Grendel would be stealing cars and shooting up on the corner instead of refusing to use soap in the shower.

Bonding with my son

Last night was a very strange night in our household. My husband is away, and my son (Grendel) and I both had problems sleeping for some reason. Around 3 a.m., we were both up contemplating using the toilet. I came out in the hallway and noticed that his door was open. I looked around but didn't see him anywhere. I wandered into the bathroom, but decided to come close the door (just in case). And just as I reached the door, he was about to come in. We scared each other silly. I sent him to the downstairs bathroom, and closed the door.

In the morning, I felt like I'd been run over by a truck (stomach issues and general lack of sleep). He opted to sleep in an extra half hour, and skipped his regular first breakfast (a bowl of cereal ... he's been having a pack of Pop Tarts on the way out the door as a second breakfast). I opted to stay home to try to achieve the rest that I missed out on the night before. I was only very partially successful.

When Grendel got home from school, he took a nap while I went out and ran a few errands. When I got back, we watched a little television and then went to a Pampered Chef party together. At fifteen, he was the youngest guest in attendance by at least twenty years. However, he knew at least half of the adults from our church. In addition, he's really interested in cooking.

Grendel participated in the cooking demonstrations, since the demonstrator is one of his youth group advisers. Plus, Grendel is usually pretty helpful and cooperative with non-parental adults. Grendel helped convince me to make a few purchases. He asked to go home just before nine p.m., because he was tired. He was actually having a nice time talking with a couple of the other guests. He also said he wasn't too embarrassed by some of the stories I told about him. I also let him sip my Mike's Hard Lemonade, which he really enjoyed.

On the way to the party, he picked the music that we listened to in the car. On the way home, I picked it. We chatted in the car about school and such. We both had a really nice time. I hope I can hold onto this warm feeling the next time he really torques me off (say, sometime tomorrow).

End of tennis season

Grendel's tennis team had an end-of-season party yesterday at one of the team's house. Hubby and I are usually not very social, plus we kind of got into a tiff right before we were supposed to leave for the party. However, the other parents were a lot of fun. We were having such a good time that most of the parents (including us) ended up staying for over seven hours. The parents sat around the dining room eating and chatting, while the guys (mostly) played video games in the basement.

Grendel ended up slashing his hand open during one of their brief forays into the great outdoors. I was a bad mom. I let one of the other exuberant moms clean the wound while he whined like a big baby (we ALL were laughing at his whining - which made him ham it up all the more, I think). I did go out to the car for some supplies from our first aid kit, since we had butterfly bandages and our hosts did not.

The guys had a lot of fun together this season, even if they had a VERY disappointing record this year. Grendel is ever social, so of course he has a bevy of new friends. Here is a picture of Grendel and his two doppelgangers. The three of them together are the top players on the team. But, considering their losing record for the season, the three of them joke that being the best players on the team is kind of like being "the tallest midget".

Whenever I try to take a picture of Grendel, he usually shies away or makes a very goofy face. Apparently, he hammed it up for the camera for other parents at the matches on a regular basis.

And finally, our intrepid team:

The latest parenting experiment

For several years before high school, K was interested in playing tennis on the high school team. He took group lessons a couple times a week. He attended a couple of summer tennis camps. He made friends with the high school tennis coach. He asked for tennis-related gifts. Then, after starting high school he lost interest. We dropped the private lessons last fall, but encouraged him to go out for the team in the spring any way.

Today, I ran into the high school tennis coach. He introduced himself and asked me why K had not come to the team's informational meeting a few days ago. I was surprised that there had been a meeting. But, I explained that K was going through a somewhat lazy phase right now. His school work is kind of erratic and he's not overly interested in anything. This is supposedly typical for high school freshmen, the coach informed me. I told him that I would talk to K about the team. He hoped that I would and said that K would probably be his strongest player if he decided to participate.

As I continued my workout, I hatched a plan that may help motivate K with his school work as well as encourage him to play tennis. In the fall, K tried to get us to agree to let him get a job. We said 'no' because we wanted him to really focus on the challenges of high school, at this point. Plus, I wanted to make sure he had the flexibility to play tennis in the spring. K is highly motivated by cash.

When I got home from the gym, I asked K why he had not gone to the informational meeting for tennis. He said that he had decided not to try out. I then told him what the coach had said about how valuable K would be to the team. He thought about it for a few minutes, and asked me when the next meeting/practice was. I told him and he said that he would go. I then made him an offer.

In that past, we have rewarded K for good report cards at the end of each quarter. Consequently, its a long time between payoffs for good effort. So, I decided to change the game a bit. If K plays on the tennis team and gets nothing worse than a C on any assignment in any given week (while maintaining an overall 'B' average) I offered him $20/week for his efforts, in addition to the $5/week base allowance he already gets. This got him VERY excited. He said that constant monetary incentive was a good motivator.

I pointed out that playing tennis would make it that much harder to maintain his grades. He concurred. I suggested that he would need to maximize the use of his free time by studying/doing homework after tennis while waiting for his ride home. He said that would work for most classes, but that he needs Internet access for his Civics class since he has to do a current events report every day. He then suggested that it would be helpful if we got a daily newspaper. Score! I liked the fact that he came up with his own reasonable solution to a challenge. So, I put in for a subscription to USA Today for the next 13 weeks, which coincides nearly directly with the end of the school year.

Wish us luck!

School vacation is over, but a work vacation means productivity!

Our son arrived back from TX this afternoon. It was kind of nice not to have to deal with a teenager for over a week. Of course there was fall out from his absence. First, while trying to renew the security software on his computer, I discovered a number of minor crimes in his room (some of our CDs tossed about willy nilly, food wrappers and dirty dishes when he's not allowed to eat in his room, and just a general state of ... YUCK!). Also, while he was in the air, his grandparents called to report that he'd left his winter coat in Texas. They're going to mail it back. During the meanwhile, he can shiver on the bus stop wearing a couple of layers of sweatshirts.

All the same, I did kind of miss the little rat. I'm glad he is home.

This week will be pretty busy at work as my big project sets to launch. I have numerous last minute items to get done with deadlines throughout the week. The one nice thing about this week is that my acting team lead is on vacation. He handed off a few high priority, high visibility, tasks before he left. I like that he has that kind of confidence in me. I also like that I will be even more independent that normal this week. He said himself at our final team meeting on Friday that we are a very self-directed team. He said if we needed any management assistance in getting things taken care of, to bring in one of the other managers. However, he doubted we would need any assistance since we're very good at getting things done.

Nice!

Actually, we're even better at getting things done since our former team lead left in January. And, we always got a lot done whenever she was out of the office. We go like gangbusters when we're empowered to act on our own. So, look out world, here we come again!

One door (may) close, while another one reopens

Last month, I posted about my son's plans to not play tennis any longer. He took lessons for several years with the goal of going out for the high school tennis team. Now, when he's in high school and a few months shy of going out for the team he's thinking about giving up on it.

Well, things changed slightly. His game improved after that announcement. So, he started vacillating on his decision. But, since he's still not sure how he feels about it, we were unwilling to continue to throw large amounts of money at tennis lessons. Then, an opportunity came up to play on a junior winter league. The money investment is less than half of the lesson fees, plus he'll get some structured competition experience. He's still unsure if he wants to go out for the team, so this will help him decide since the experience will be similar, if slightly less rigorous than the high school team schedule. Winter League matches are once a week, with no practices. The high school team has practices or matches Monday through Friday.

When K was in elementary school, he took guitar lessons for five years. He eventually gave that up when he (and we) got tired of the rigors of practicing and being nagged at by his parents to practice. In the last month or so, out of the blue, he started fiddling around with his guitar again.

When he stopped lessons, his instructor said to us that he might pick it back up again when he got to high school, since a lot of kids think that its cool to start their own band and the like. I think he hit that prediction spot on. K's church youth group puts on a 'coffee house' each February, featuring amateur performers from the church community. K really wants to participate (probably to impress his friends). So, he asked if he could go back to guitar lessons!

We made him think about it for several weeks. Plus, we watched that he was really getting back into enjoying playing his guitar. We really don't feel like reestablishing the practice-nagging routine we had going years ago.

So, here we are. Tomorrow is his last tennis lesson in almost three years. Monday evening K has his first guitar lesson in over three years. Winter Junior Team Tennis starts in the beginning of January.

Life is never boring with a teenager in the house.