What did I want to be when I grew up?

That's the prompt for today's NaBloPoMo.

At first I couldn't remember. But then I recalled all those floor plans I drew on graph paper. From about fifth grade through high school. I think I wanted to be an architect or an interior designer. Somehow in high school I forgot all about that. I got interested in science and technology and decided that I wanted to be an engineer. All the while, I was reading history books for fun.

So, what did I graduate with a degree in? History! Highly employable. That's why I went to graduate school. I majored in Information Studies (which was a cross between Librarianship and Computers). I worked in libraries for a while doing computers. I soon figured out that doing computers paid more than being a librarian. Sometimes, I miss the librarian stuff. Much less stress.

The devil you know

For the last three weeks, I have been waiting to hear back from Mitre. They sounded really interested in bringing me on board. I had mixed feelings about jumping ship (less leave, uncertainty, initially less challenging work versus shorter commute, learning environment, supposedly a great place to work for). Well, it's not going to happen.

Yesterday, the HR person called me on my cell (though I'd given her my land line number) to ask me if my salary was negotiable. Three weeks ago, they asked me what I wanted. I said that I wanted to make 6% more than I make now (since I expect to be getting some sort of raise in a couple of months, and I'd be losing nearly two weeks of time off). She said that they couldn't even offer me what I make currently. How would I feel about an 8% cut? ... Um, no thanks.

I am somewhat frustrated and concerned about some things in my current environment. However, I am not alone in my feelings. I am a valuable contributor (even if the CIO doesn't treat anyone like they're valuable). I have a pretty great direct boss now. I get paid really well, get great holidays, flexible sick leave, and four weeks of vacation a year. I'm fighting for a lot of operational/expectation things. I have a chance to win a few, I think. If push came to shove, I could probably maneuver myself into a non-IT job in one of our research groups.

Mitre would be a good next step on my resume. However, I'm only willing to compromise so much. Maybe they'll think of me if something closer to my salary range opens up. Maybe not.

For now, I'm content. The devil I know is not so bad this week.

Best interview ever

So, the key to having a great interview is not caring if you get the job but to look at the encounter as an opportunity to network. What a liberating experience!

After I met with several different people from the department I'd be working in (assuming I got the job), the manager asked me if the job sounded like a good fit. I asked her a few questions and then said, "Probably not." I then explained that I felt that I was a bit more experienced than the level one vacant position needed. She jotted a bunch of notes, and then asked me if a level two position were available if that would be a better fit, and I said that it probably would be. I reminded her of my years of experience and my current level of responsibility. She wrote a bunch of notes. We continued to talk. I said that I really enjoyed learning about their organization and that maybe we could help each other out in the near future. She seemed genuinely glad to have spoken to me, and passed me off to another person to talk to.

Two people later, I got to meet with the assistant department head. We had a wonderful conversation. Lots of similar experiences and viewpoints. She seemed to have gotten the word that I wasn't all that interested in the vacant position, so she started feeling me out for what I was interested in doing. She describe the other responsibilities of her department, and we talked about potential fits. As we ended our meeting she shook my hand and warmly said, "We'll be talking to you soon."

The Fates are very strange, indeed. I have never had such a positive interview experience. Everyone seemed very interested in my experience. I spoke their language. I understood their problems. I was totally comfortable with everyone and everyone seemed totally comfortable with me (had lunch with one guy, and had humorous and intelligent conversations with two other gentlemen). I'm not terribly anxious to change jobs at the moment. The place I interviewed at has a lot to offer. They also are just as dysfunctional (if not more) than the place that I currently work. If they offer me an interesting sounding position for a significant pile of cash, I will have some hard thinking to do.

So, when you are desperately looking for a job, you are screwed. When you don't care, you get people practically falling over themselves to figure out how they can get you in their organization.

The universe is a very interesting place.

I just click the mouse... stay away from MY mouse

Since coming back from vacation, things have been getting more and more interesting at work. Confused N has been utterly nice to me, for one. Then, Consultant C has let me know that he's going to be our new boss (very fine with me indeed). C is asking us all to evaluate what it is that we do, and decide what is most important to us. It is getting more and more well known that I am spread very very thin. However, I'm not overly inclined to give up any of the things that I do. It's the burden of a control freak, I guess.

When Consultant C asked me which of two major directions I wanted to take, he asked me in front of the entire team. First off, I'm not sure I'm ready to answer that question. Plus, it's something I'd rather discuss with him one-on-one. However, everyone looked at me expectantly. I am VERY poor at hiding my feelings. Everyone was trying to read me. C joked around with me, "No opinion? That can't be." First I responded with our standard joke line of frustration: I just click the mouse. Then I responded that I had a lot to think about and that I wasn't ready to talk about it just yet. (It is pretty difficult for me to keep my own counsel. Though, I felt it was prudent since I really don't think the two main areas of my job can be separated.)

When Consultant C asked her what direction she would like to take now that she would no longer be burdened by management stuff she said she wanted to get back into doing some development work, maybe automated some of our processes. C mused that she was particularly interested in helping me automated some of MY processes. ... um ... I've been working on automating my own processes more and more, as time allows.

Confused N gave up all of her operational roles when she moved into management. Now that she's not going to be management, she needs to reclaim some of them or carve out some new space for herself. While I know that I am overtaxed, I am not about to give up any of my stuff to her. I like writing scripts on occasion too, you know. And, I know my processes quite well. I have just enough leftover bad blood with her not to want to spend significant time with her explaining my processes so that she can automate them for me. Nor do I want to give her the fodder to come through looking like a hero by letting her improve MY processes.

Petty? Of course. Controlling? No doubt about it.

Feeling like a guilty vulture

In the last few days, there have been rumors that our CIO has been considering getting rid of my current team lead, aka Confused N. Months ago, before she was made interim team lead, Confused N and I were on the same page and relatively friendly. However, what is it they say about power corrupting people?

Our CIO is frustrated with Confused N's communication and organization issues. Plus, it's beginning to be common knowledge that her entire team is fighting with her at this point. She thinks that the source for strife is all my doing; and I think she's trying to make a case against me with upper management for that very reason. However, I think her frustrations with me, in some quarters, have become endorsements for me. (Not quite this bad, but similar to: The enemy of my enemy is my friend.) Besides, every meeting I've ever had with the CIO he has been extremely happy with my presentations and the strategies I've suggested (several to the dismay of Confused N).

I really don't want to see Confused N lose her job. However, I get the feeling that the writing is on the wall. Also, I really want to be free of her influence.

On the other hand, I think the CIO may like me a bit too much. There are talks about breaking up my team, and sending some portions of my team to another department. I am pretty integral to the function that would go to the other department. However, several options have been rumored about where I would stay in IT, while the rest of my sub-team would move to another department.

I don't want to stay. I want to go with my sub-team, not just because the function is close to my professional heart. I enjoy my sub-team, for one. For another, I think I would be happier in the other department where processes and procedures are more mature, and individual effort is more quickly recognized and rewarded. Also, there's a chance for me to move up to a formal management role in the other department. A chance that I think I want.

There's also a chance for me to go for a management role in IT. However, I do not think I want that role in that department. There are too many uncertainties. Plus, I'd probably spend very little time doing productive technical work. In the other department, I would be a technical lead: the best of both worlds, I think.

So, back to my guilt. I really want the CIO to pull the trigger on some of the things he's been contemplating about my team. Confused N has to go. And, my sub-team needs to move to another department, preferably with me as technical lead. If I have to stay in IT on another team, I may just have to stick my head in a blender.

Ready to try again

I had a meeting with my college adviser last night. I wanted to make sure I had the right course plan in place going forward so I could graduate from this program in the next two years. Things look pretty good.

I dropped the class I was going to take this semester due to stressful work commitments. However, I need to get back on the horse. So, tonight I registered for Legal Issues in Business and Management. Classes start April 5th.

I think I'm ready to get back to it. Work is still stressful, but we cutover the new system on 3/22. So, by 4/5 most of the dust should be settled.

Oddly enough, I even talked to my adviser about potentially teaching some courses at the school. Apparently, you just need a Masters to teach in NH. I think I could teach an online class. I've been kind of thinking about teaching for a while. UNH has a continuing education certificate program called "Train the Trainer". I hope to talk to my boss about this. He and I have talked about me doing more presentation and seminar type stuff, so this would fit in with that. I want to design an Internet Security Awareness program for our organization.

Life is never boring.

School vacation is over, but a work vacation means productivity!

Our son arrived back from TX this afternoon. It was kind of nice not to have to deal with a teenager for over a week. Of course there was fall out from his absence. First, while trying to renew the security software on his computer, I discovered a number of minor crimes in his room (some of our CDs tossed about willy nilly, food wrappers and dirty dishes when he's not allowed to eat in his room, and just a general state of ... YUCK!). Also, while he was in the air, his grandparents called to report that he'd left his winter coat in Texas. They're going to mail it back. During the meanwhile, he can shiver on the bus stop wearing a couple of layers of sweatshirts.

All the same, I did kind of miss the little rat. I'm glad he is home.

This week will be pretty busy at work as my big project sets to launch. I have numerous last minute items to get done with deadlines throughout the week. The one nice thing about this week is that my acting team lead is on vacation. He handed off a few high priority, high visibility, tasks before he left. I like that he has that kind of confidence in me. I also like that I will be even more independent that normal this week. He said himself at our final team meeting on Friday that we are a very self-directed team. He said if we needed any management assistance in getting things taken care of, to bring in one of the other managers. However, he doubted we would need any assistance since we're very good at getting things done.

Nice!

Actually, we're even better at getting things done since our former team lead left in January. And, we always got a lot done whenever she was out of the office. We go like gangbusters when we're empowered to act on our own. So, look out world, here we come again!

A pat on the back

On Monday, I had to make a presentation to the CSO regarding my chief project. In the past, my group's relations with his department have been cold to adversarial since my former boss was a power monger and refused to partner with Security when it came to IT Security issues. The meeting was very congenial and I walked out of it with more than what I had expected to (basically, I got what I wanted without ever having to ask for it ... nothing better in the world).

This morning, my acting boss (former boss of my former boss) stopped by to give me some serious stroking. Apparently the CSO was very impressed with me and wanted to know more about me. (He REALLY disliked my former boss, BTW.)

So, I was very Jonesed about the entire thing. I am building bridges with another group, that used to dislike us. I've given them access to data on a number of incidents, where they previously have not had any access. And, I feed them info that would further both of our agendas. So, my acting lead is VERY happy with me right now.

We've been having a hard time finding the right candidate to fill our team lead position. Several times in the last year, management has asked me if I was interested in the role (prior to our team lead actually leaving ...). I said 'no'. One of my team mates has applied for the role, but I know that they do not totally respect her abilities. I keep wondering if they're going to ask me again. I also wonder, if they do, what I will say...

Too tired to work

I feel (a tiny bit) guilty. I called in sick today. The thing is, the last couple of days I've been waking up wicked tired. I've even had to fight to stay awake behind the wheel of my car. This morning, around 3:30 a.m., I woke not feeling so good. My throat was full of ... yuck ... I ended up finding some cough medicine to see if I could rid myself of the dreaded curse. Sadly, I had a hard time getting back to sleep afterwards. Just before 5 a.m., when my alarm would have gone off, I got up and wandered around the house for a few minutes. Finally, I checked the weather. The day was slated for overcast and rain. Great sleeping weather.

So, I fired up the new Blackberry and sent the notice: I was out sick.

I only let myself sleep until about 9. When I say 'only', what I mean is that I could have slept for several more hours easily. However, I did not want to give my joints a reason to rebel or add fuel to the insomnia fire come evening.

I answered several important work-related emails this afternoon, so I felt like I wasn't completely disconnected from 'the job'. Maybe I should have been.

The hospital job I applied for is very slowly panning out. They contacted me on Monday, looking for convenient interview times. I haven't heard back, which is (of course) making me nuts.

What does it say about my career and state of mind when I am ANXIOUS to take a job with a 20% pay cut?